Thursday 14 May 2015

Anxiety versus life

I'm an open person, sometimes I wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing, I'm very honest and can't lie for toffee. And I really like toffee.

It's mental health awareness week this week and as I've seen several anxiety posts lately so thought I'd share mine. I'm in no way comparing it to anybody else's experience or any other form of mental health. It's those two words themself that cause such a taboo isn't it?Especially Mental. Treating it isn't as simple, easy or accepted as physical health. If someone breaks a bone you don't push them to get better you slow the bone to mend itself the same way I allow my mind to. I'm not on any medication for mine, I stress mine is acute but it does have days where it feels like it consumes me but I've learnt and still am learning to control it. 

I was thirteen when I was diagnosed with OCD, I had a counsellor through my school and felt so relaxed about it. It's weird because I've never felt ashamed by it. Long story short my OCD was put at ease and disappeared as I started puberty. I went on to plenty of westlife gigs, becoming a bit emo and stalking paper boys. Fast forward ten years,  I'm moving out my mothers and into my own flat and all of sudden BAM! It hit me. Insecurity, loneliness, fear and sadness. It was silly things. It was not being at home to help my family because I wasn't there that triggered it. I was lucky because my flat mate was a best friend who although didn't entirely understand what I was through, heck neither did I, she was always there for a chat no matter how obscure my problems were. I'll always be grateful for anyone who takes the time out of their day to speak to anyone with mental health. It helps so much more than medication. The only reason I don't, and it's a personal one, is because I hate the idea of something controlling my mind. I love a quote and I live by it "control your mind or it will control you" and no truer words have been spoken. 

A year and a bit on from from its reappearance and I'm so much better. It pops up for a day or so and lately it's my boyfriend who gets the brunt of my weird ramblings and I'm lucky that's he's just as supportive. I meditate when I can and I'm looking to start a fitness program. I'm happy and anxiety shouldn't be seen as a permanent fixture in your life or it will be one. You give it room and it will manifest. It's about focusing on you and your happiness, wants and needs and slowly but surely you'll fall nearly back into a dare I say a 'normal' life with routine and plenty of room for spontaneity. Thoughts will come and go but you'll have the ability to push them aside and do something proactive. 

Thanks for reading 😁

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